Value and Limitations of Feedback

Over and over, we are told that feedback is necessary to improvement. You won't be successful influencing someone unless you know what they want, need, expect, blah, blah. This is all true, even the "blah, blah". It's just useless on its own.

Think about this - how often are you really clear about what you want, need, or expect?

How often do you get what you thought you needed only to find it didn't fulfill what you thought it did?

How often have you given someone what they asked for only to have them tell you that isn't what they meant?

How often have you shared something with a group and had one person tell you it was the most amazing thing ever while someone else said it was dumb and all wrong?

As you can see, there are multiple problems here. Feedback tells us something about what the person giving it thinks. It doesn't tell us much about the person receiving it and not much about some sort of objective truth.

Think about the internet meme where we can't even agree what colors a dress is. "Objective truth" doesn't really exist in any meaningful way.

And yet, feedback is necessary - information about what someone wants, needs, expects, or thinks is valuable.

Here's another question - think about the last time someone gave you feedback you agreed with. How did you feel?

Now think about the last time someone gave you feedback you didn't agree with. How did you feel?

Feedback is wind.

When receiving feedback, we can

     let it buffet us about at it's mercy

or we can

     anchor and ride it out

or we can

     set our sails and fly.

When giving feedback, we can

     be aware of how we blow,

but we cannot

     decide what the recipient does in the face of our wind.